On Goodbyes

I hate saying goodbye to him. It's like a little part of me dies, every time I see him go. Sure I put on a brave smile, and parade that around, but inside I am hurting. It hurts so much I could cry. So why does it hurt so much? The obvious reason is, that I love him, and want to be with him, and just underneath that, there is of course my fear of loosing him, and never seeing him again. When that thought surfaces, I feel completely cold, like I could die of the ice inside me. Ever fallen into water that is way too cold? The inability to breath hits me like a wall of bricks, and I feel nauseous. But aside from that, why else do I hate it so?

When I close my eyes, I can still feel his presence, so close, that if I reach out I can almost touch him. His smell still lingers in the air, and I can feel his imprint on my lips. But when I open my eyes, he's gone. I can't help myself, I feel utterly lost when he's not around.

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