I am in love. There's no denying it. To the friends I had before, I am trying to degrade it. "He is only 19", I tell them, "It's so uncomplicated". They nod, pretend they understand, and I smile: "He sees me as a Goddess. You don't get that in the average guy!" And then the girls smile knowingly. "You don't get that often", they agree. The thing is, he does see me as a Goddess, just as much as I see him as a God. And it is very uncomlicated. I love him. Period. But it's more than just love..
I feel like a wave washes over me, every time I think of him. It's either very hot, or very cold. Sometimes it feels like it's washing me away, and sometimes I am riding it towards my destination. How cruel the mere thought of being without him. When I close my eyes, I can almost feel his presence. Just beyond my reach, on the outskirts of my inner vision. I think he is there all the time. I have bonded my life to him, a life-bond. I can't breath, when I look into his eyes. It's like my life suddenly makes sense, that all the things I want to do is all of the sudden possible. I can do whatever I set my mind to. I can even dare dream again.
But now I am also afraid of loosing him. It's not something I consider often, but when the thought brushes me, I feel the fear grip me. And every time I say goodbye, and watch him go, I feel like I miss some part of myself, that I don't get back, till I see him again. When I am with him, I feel hole. I have never felt this way before, both intimidated and ready for life. It scares me, and I love it. I love him.
So to all of you out there, who find my life mildly interesting, know this: I love him with all of my being. I want to tell the whole world. I will not degrade it anymore, even if it is easier to avoid the questions. Even if he is only 19. Even if there's a lot of ifs'. I love him..