I am in love. There's no denying it. To the friends I had before, I am trying to degrade it. "He is only 19", I tell them, "It's so uncomplicated". They nod, pretend they understand, and I smile: "He sees me as a Goddess. You don't get that in the average guy!" And then the girls smile knowingly. "You don't get that often", they agree. The thing is, he does see me as a Goddess, just as much as I see him as a God. And it is very uncomlicated. I love him. Period. But it's more than just love..

I feel like a wave washes over me, every time I think of him. It's either very hot, or very cold. Sometimes it feels like it's washing me away, and sometimes I am riding it towards my destination. How cruel the mere thought of being without him. When I close my eyes, I can almost feel his presence. Just beyond my reach, on the outskirts of my inner vision. I think he is there all the time. I have bonded my life to him, a life-bond. I can't breath, when I look into his eyes. It's like my life suddenly makes sense, that all the things I want to do is all of the sudden possible. I can do whatever I set my mind to. I can even dare dream again.

But now I am also afraid of loosing him. It's not something I consider often, but when the thought brushes me, I feel the fear grip me. And every time I say goodbye, and watch him go, I feel like I miss some part of myself, that I don't get back, till I see him again. When I am with him, I feel hole. I have never felt this way before, both intimidated and ready for life. It scares me, and I love it. I love him.

So to all of you out there, who find my life mildly interesting, know this: I love him with all of my being. I want to tell the whole world. I will not degrade it anymore, even if it is easier to avoid the questions. Even if he is only 19. Even if there's a lot of ifs'. I love him..

1 kommentar:

Anonym sagde ...

If I was a loney heart
Id fear we'd drift apart
but the thought of losing you
isn't what's confusing me
your smile is so precious

Feelings on my inside scream
"You know you love her"...
now make her see!
Such an radiant eye...

I love you, sweetheart